


Dreams

by haleysffnsocks (arctickchild)



Category: Red vs. Blue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-17
Updated: 2012-11-17
Packaged: 2017-11-18 20:40:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/565055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arctickchild/pseuds/haleysffnsocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he sleeps, he remembers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreams

In his dreams, Doc remembers.

He remembers his life before Blood Gulch, before he became host to the most deranged AI in existence. He remembers high school, staying up studying with his friends as they daydreamed of their futures. He remembers the sleepless nights in university, trying (and failing) to memorize injuries and diseases, and their various treatments. He remembers his mom's third wedding to her second husband, and their double funeral the next year. He remembers being hired by the military and trained as a medic. He remembers everyone he saved and everyone he's lost. But he remembers wrong, and all the faces and moments and voices blur together, becoming the one voice that has haunted his dreams for a lifetime.

* * *

In his dreams, Doc imagines.

He imagines what would have happened if he'd never gone to Blood Gulch, if someone else had gone and been trapped by their war and under _his_ control. He imagines that he went on with his safe, boring life of nonviolence and failed medicine. He imagines that he would have been fired by now, fired and left to read all his books and meditate and look for a job at a library somewhere. He imagines that he doesn't care what happens to the AI. But then his imagination betrays him, and he ends up remembering old arguments and debates on the finer parts of human anatomy.

* * *

In his dreams, Doc fights back.

He fights against the shadows left in his own mind, trying to force them from his head. He gives those shadows a name and a voice, and remembers everything that the AI put him through, everything it did to him and in him and with him, and he ignores his pacifist ideology and bites and kicks and hits until he can't move and collapses onto his back, apologizing around gasps for breath. He never does any damage; after all, what kind of damage can you do to a shadow? But he tries, and when he tries he apologizes, apologizes and tries to ward off the guilt and the fear and the relief.

* * *

When he's awake, Doc pretends.

He pretends that nothing's changed, that he's still the same cheerful medic he's always been. He pretends that he still cares about his orders, his patients, his paychecks. He pretends that he gets enough sleep, that he isn't falling apart at the seams. But he's thrown out his self-help books and spends too much time watching war documentaries and serial killer shows.

And when he sleeps, he dreams of O'Malley.


End file.
